confession no. 5

we officially broke up.
this long standing relationship, this addiction to food....it's over.
for months now, i wanted to end this abusive hold that controls me.
i wanted to go back to six-months ago, when i last walked on the treadmill,
and last wrote my entry in my food journal.
i wanted to go back and start over.
but just like a drug user, the next fix was more important.
i love the biggest looser.
this past week's show was powerful and Julian said something that
slapped me in the face,"why are you addicted to failure?"
it is what it is. i am addicted to failing, because i have failed.
and i continue to fail; twelve pounds is proof.
yesterday, was a perfect day.
i didn't fail.
i journaled everything. my points were perfect. i fought the hunger pains.
i ignored the munchie signals.
it was a good day.
it was a success. i did not fail.