confession no. 4

i hate myself, right now, in this moment.
i have done absolutely nothing since i started this blog.
nothing.
infact, i think i probably have gained weight.
honestly, i know i have.
the scales don't lie, right?
how could i be so motivated, or thought to be motivated, to gain more.
more inches. more pounds.
why do i fail.
how can i choose hunger over happiness and health?
i have gained a total of 13 pounds back, since I lost the 25 earlier this year.
i am sick. disgusted. hurt.
not today. no more.
no more will i choose food over what i know to do.
no more will it rule my life, during sadness. anger. happiness. celebration.
no more.
it stops here.
i will own this.
i will do this.
& i will suceed.
for the first time since, the above said start of this blog -
i measured my food this morning. i calculated my points.
it starts here.